use a range of verbs (evaporate, melt, etc.) I did use a verb pull.
use a variety of specific vocabulary (matter, solid, liquid, gas)
add significant detail to describe each part (examples, diagram, giff) I explaended what a newtowns cradle is.
vary sentence starters i used the word now a bit
organise my ideas into at least 5 paragraphs I didn't do that but my story did tell what a newtowns cradle is about.
Feedback:well done very descriptive writing. Great idea to draw a diagram.
Feedforward:don't forget to space between words to help your audience.
Do you know what a newtowns cradle is? If you don't a newtowns cradle is to do with maths and science, it has a two strings connecting to the ball. Now this is repeated four times with the strings and the balls. Now the magic, if you pull the one on the very left or right ball the ball on the other side comes up but if you pull two the other two come up three,three comes up and four well four comes up. There's a diagram about what a newtowns cradle is.
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