W.A.L.T: Put interesting words in our story in the right place in Eb's writing group
Success criteria: Descriptive verbs, Precise nouns, Adjectives, Adverbs, Connectictives, conjunctions, Ing and ed verbs, Smilies and pronouns
Images:
Here is my published piece of writing:
The life of a ______ ball.
Ouch my leg got kicked from an Arsenal player as hard as they could from the keeper up to the other team on accident but it was a header and we headed back and won the ball. Now they are kicking me well they call it dribbling but it still hurts OUCH!!! They finally kicked the ball away AHHH the nice lime green and dark green striped field until suddenly someone stopped me and dribbled Jeff up the field that's my name Jeff. Well Jeff isn't having a good time on the soccer pitch its been 89minutes out of 90minutes I get booted up to the goal box almost I get dribbled up to the penalty dot and hit the top right corner cross bar off the post and in the goaly didn't even attempt to go for the ball he thought it was going to go out the ref blew the full time wistle and the score was 5-4 in the end. It's not so bad being Jeff the soccer ball after all.
Feedback: I like how you started but it was quite obvious at the start but I like it the story. Houston
Feedfoward: I think if you want it to be a mystery and let them find out don't make it to obvious. Houston
Evaluation: I think I like my story it's just I think I could finish the post in time.
You are great at offering precise nouns Kyan. In your next story ensure you add some descriptive features as well so the reader can build a picture in their head.
ReplyDeleteIt might help to imagine (particularly int his story) that your reader has never seen a soccer game before! How would your story change with this in mind?